Insomnia in darkest Africa

2.14 am …….I can’t believe I am camping out in a small two man tent in the middle of the African bush and there isn’t even a fence between us and them … the predators.  How did I talk myself into this?  Even more curious… how did I talk my sister into this.  She hates spiders and creepy crawlies so much that she sprayed our tent with DDT and now we can hardly breathe.

2.35 am ….. Holy cow!  What is that noise?  Sounds like hyenas.  Oh… there goes the garbage can.  They must have found the leftovers from the barbecue.  Ugh, I hate hyenas – I know that sounds irrational but they look so primitive and evil.

3.05 am….. Hell’s teeth.  What’s that shouting.  It sounds like Peter.  He’s in the other tent with the kids.  What should I do?  He’s banging on the side of the tent and shouting “Voetsak” (get away in Afrikaans).  Is someone trying to break in.  How do you break into a tent anyway?  Shouldn’t I rush over there and save my babies….. mmmmmm …. where’s that Tiger Mom in me?  Oh yeah – we’re in Africa, not India.  So where is the Lion Mom in me?  Hang on a minute.  It’s gone quiet again.  He must have scared them away.  I’ll be brave and stick my head out of the tent and shout over to him.   zzzzzzzip  zzzzzip – “Are you ok Pete?”  “Yes, go back to sleep”.  Sleep?  Who is he kidding?

3.15 am ….. so what happened to the Ranger.  He said he was going to take the rifle with him and if we needed anything in the night just shout.  He must be as deaf as a post. Shame such a young man too!  Just hope we don’t get a herd of marauding elephant through here.

3.45 am …… I wonder how Trish manages to sleep with her hat on.  She’s had it on all night.  Says it keeps the spiders from falling on her head.  Yawn….

4.15 am….. Oh how lovely – an owl in the tree over us hooting away.  At least it will keep us company.

4.50 am ….. Wish I had the rifle.  I would shoot that bloody owl.

5.10 am….. Hang on.. I think dawn is coming.  I can see a pinky light through the mosquito netting of the tent.  Maybe we can get up now.   zzzzzzip zzzzzip – Oh wow look it IS daytime.  And here comes our trusty ranger with his rifle.  “Hi!  What a night hey?”…. He looks puzzled “Really?  I dunno.  I had my wisdom teeth out yesterday so I took two percocet and slept all night.  What’s wrong?  Why are you looking at me like that?”

Really!