New travel rules

Just listened to the press conference. I will be posting a full update of the new rules and regulations – just want to get it in writing first. The good news is that the Government advisory to avoid non essential travel is being lifted – and I am happy to hear that. This past two years has been tough for everyone in the hospitality, tourism and travel industry – so how have we got through?

We all know that “laughter is the best medicine” and it certainly does help in this day and age to have a good laugh. Clears the head (and the chest) and builds up those endorphins. Mayo Clinic recommends it –

  • Stimulate many organs. Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.
  • Activate and relieve your stress response. A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response, and it can increase and then decrease your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling.
  • Soothe tension. Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which can help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

So even in these difficult times, there are still things to laugh about. Or better still laugh with. I read a story on the BBC that made me laugh out loud and I applaud this brave lady for her incredible sense of humour.

A woman who was born with no ears and who underwent ground-breaking surgery 20 years ago to have prosthetic ones fitted has described how it changed her life.

Up until the age of 47, Janet Craven could barely hear and would cover her face with her long hair because she was so self-conscious about her appearance.

Apparently, they made prosthetic ears out of silicone that attached by magnet to her head to an implanted hearing device. She said it was wonderful to be able to hear again. But this lady should really be doing stand-up.

She recalled one incident when her Yorkshire terrier, Kirby, ate them.

“I’d had a few drinks and went to bed and forgot to take my ears off. The dog must have jumped up on the bed in the middle of the night and had a good chew on one of them.

“I woke up the next morning and there were all these bits of silicone everywhere. My earring was still there but the magnets had gone. I just looked at Kirby and said, ‘you haven’t.”

But the cherry on top of the cake was when she went through security at the airport –

Janet said another memorable moment was when she went on her first holiday abroad and the magnets and implants triggered the alarm on the airport security scanner.

She recalled: “The security lady said to me, ‘why’s your head bleeping?’ and I said, ‘do you really want to know?’

“I told her about my ears and took them off. She was so shocked she fainted.”

What an amazing lady. If only we could find the humour in most situations it would be a wonderful gift.

So let’s dream about travel again and sit back and have a laugh at these – till your next trip – keep dreaming …. and laughing.

So here is one last thing to make you laugh – nothing to do with travel but if you have heard of or read Fifty Shades of Grey you are going to really laugh out loud – (ps do not read this if you are narrow minded – Mabel isn’t and she thought it was very funny)

‘An Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey’

The missus bought a Paperback
down Shepton, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
…T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it,
…At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said…
I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.

She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought oh well, what the hell,
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!”

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.

by John Summers

By Lesley Keyter

Lesley Keyter is the face of travel in the fast growing city of Calgary. Every week since 1997 she has has featured live on the Morning News Global TV.

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